“At some point, you gotta stop looking up at the sky, or one of these days you'll look back down and see that you floated away, too.”
― John Green,
I can't really explain the way I was feeling when I was 19 and trying to see the world, for the first time, as it really was.
A huge puzzle.
Something interesting happens when you leave a long-term religion. It's a mind-altering experience. All of the sudden I wanted to learn everything and anything about the world. I found myself discovering poetry in science and beauty in things I never saw beauty in before. I acquired a very serious desire to expand myself as a person. One of these desires was to move to a different place. I wanted to be me somewhere else where I wasn't used to being me.
Alas, the mind gets in the way. I mean, why shouldn't it? That's it's job. "You have too many responsibilities where you are. You have too much anxiety. Everything you know is where you are right now. You're comfortable. Stay comfortable."
I listened to my silly mind for a very, very long time. I'm not upset that I did. But I did. I strongly believe I left right when I needed to. But if you listen to these thoughts forever you can get so caught up in being comfortable that you will never allow yourself to grow. This goes for many things.. moving, getting a new job, friendships, relationships, any possibly-progressive event in your life.
If there is one thing that I know very damn well, it is this: It's okay to be uncomfortable. This is coming from somebody who deals with general anxiety disorder. Somebody who couldn't even last one whole night at a sleepover as a kid because I missed my mom and my house. Somebody who built up the courage to go on a solo trip to Seattle and almost flew home the very next day after having a panic attack. So let me repeat. It's okay to be uncomfortable.
Just be you. Go be you in all the many ways that you can be you. And don't feel like you owe anybody an explanation, because you don't. Step outside of what you are used to. I did this by packing up my car with any belongings I could fit and venturing off to a new state, and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. My 19 year old self is incredibly proud of me. The scary thoughts that taunted me for so long are finally drifting away. Being homesick isn't something to fear, but something to be grateful for. I have something to be homesick for.
The mind is a huge power box, but you're the electricity.
So embrace being uncomfortable.